Where Are You Now?
by Breathe Artistic
Summary: Did their actual reaction to Jeff's leaving the WWE push him to a breakdown? And who will help him?


The angry storm called another fierce stroke of purple lightning to the sky, shining brightly between the harsh droplets of rain that poured in buckets from the midnight. Thunder bellowed its commanding voice across the land, yelling at all those insane enough to wander during all of the madness. Another screaming streak of lightning hit the sky, again illuminating the soaked streets. A form pressed on against the rain and hail as if walking into the very center of an F5 tornado. Slashing its way to the head of the storm, it showed no fear. For fear is only a word, to those whom are weak enough to let it overtake them.

" IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?!"

The voice was angry, booming at the thunder that bellowed to it in response.

" IS THAT ALL YOU CAN GIVE?!"

Screaming at the clouds, fighting for sanity. Standing in the middle of a deserted field, soaked to the very marrow of its bones. Jeff Hardy, it was. Standing at the pinnacle of a Carolina storm without a shred of fear in any part of his body. Screaming at the top of his lungs Jeff did not care who, or what, may have heard him. Dropping down to his knees, shrieking in almost agony. He raised his head to the sky, lightning struck again, illuminating the bloody face of the man. Crimson red poured down his face, but was being washed away by the rain that slapped him so hard.

" If you want to kill me then do it," He said, making a whisper sound like a scream. " STRIKE ME YOU LIVING HELL!"

He yelled so loud he'd hope his vocal cords burst. Then next time, he wouldn't be able to speak. He staggered to his feet, stumbling over himself, lending ease to the whipping trees to cut at his exposed arms. A ragged branch blew across his shoulder, leaving a slash there that immediately bled. Without a care, he balled his fist and punched the tree that caused him the injury. Cuts appeared, illuminated by more lightning. More blood poured out from the next part of his body, but the rain lent a hand in washing it away. It was as if he cried bloodstained tears, again screaming for his death. Jeff dropped again to the ground with no obvious intention to rise again.

" Where are you all now? Where are all of you that had so much faith in me? You LIARS," Jeff screamed, beating his fists in the soggy ground. " YOU LIED TO ME! You don't care! You don't care. You never cared about me. You just wanted me there to make you money. CARE FOR MY WELFARE MY ASS! You don't care!" His voice turned to a whisper. " _I'd tell you how it haunts me. Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams_. Why don't you understand?"

The revving of a motor sounded behind him. Jeff didn't bother to turn and see, only kept his soft words, hopes, to himself. Headlights shone on his ragged body, torn by asphalt and rock. Broken by emotion and physicality.

" JEFF!"

Oh, that bittersweet familiar voice. The voice of one of the ones that said 'I understand Jeff'.

" Jeff! C'mon, it's Amy."

Amy. Sour thoughts came to his mind when he thought of that redhead. He thought she understood. He trusted her. Now he knows, never to trust anymore.

" You don't want to help me Amy," He whispered morosely to himself. " You don't want me to get better!"

Risking her possible safety, Amy took a step closer, walking slowly. The rain matted her red hair to her face, clung her clothes to her body. Kneeling next to Jeff, Amy laid a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jerk away violently.

" DON'T TOUCH ME!" Jeff yelled, backing away.

" Jeff, please don't do this. Please. You're scaring me Jeff."

Jeff sat flat on his rear end, curling his legs up, resting his forehead, which had finally ceased to bleed, on his drawn up knees.

" Scaring you," He muttered. " How can I scare you? As if you give a damn."

" Jeff...please talk to me. I know we hurt you, and we're sorry. Please don't do this Jeff. You're so much better than this, so much stronger than this."

" Now you believe in me huh?"

" What? I can't hear you."

Jeff lifted his head, a bitter laugh came from him. " Now you believe in me. Now you want to help. Now you say YOU'RE SORRY?! NO! I can't take anymore of his bullshit. If you really cared, if you really understood, if you really believed in me, then you wouldn't be this way. You wouldn't tell me what I have to do!"

" Jeff we're not trying to rule you, if that's what you think. We're only trying to help you because we love you..."

" Don't even say that! It's a load of bullshit and you know it!"

" Jeff it's not! I love you, Matt loves you..."

" Stop, just stop."

Jeff rose, the chilling rain beginning to make his joints stiff and hard to move. He stumbled, Amy jumped up to help him, but he pulled away, crashing back to the ground. Thunder boomed again, Amy shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself.

" Jeff, please. I know what you want to do, and I understand, it may not seem like it but I really do."  
" Then why did you disown me?" Jeff sneered.

" I haven't disowned you Jeff! What are you talking about?"

" What am I talking about? WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? You know damn well what I'm talking about!"

Amy shook her head, tears beginning to seep from her eyes and drip down her cheeks. Jeff's behaviour scared her, it made her feel unsafe.

" Jeff, I understand you don't want this anymore, I understand it's not what you want to do and it was wrong of Matt to accuse you of something so disgusting as drugs. It was wrong for everyone to think that if they did. It just wasn't right. But Jeff you have to believe me, I didn't think that for a minute. I know you Jeff...or at least I thought I did."

" No...no! There's nothing you can say that's going to make me trust you again."

" Why? Why can't you trust me Jeff? I've been your friend for years. I'm on your side."

" You're not on my side. No one's on my side, NO ONE'S EVER ON MY SIDE! You don't understand why I don't want to do this anymore. I gave my fucking heart and soul to that business! I gave my fucking well-being and my body for entertainment. Hell, I loved it, but it hurt me! It killed my body and tore it into pieces. I did crazy matches, and stupid spots. If you were me, and you just about killed yourself for eight years because it was expected of you or someone told you to, would you still be passionate about it? Would you still love it? WOULD YOU?"

" I don't know Jeff. I can't say that. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I don't expect to know how you feel. I can only sympathize. And I do, Jeff, I do. I care about you Jeffrey Nero Hardy, don't you understand that?! There are people out there that you don't even know that care about you! There are people all over the fucking world that are gonna miss you, there's people that are gonna be sad you're gone! And all you can think about is how unfair you think we're being to you? Jeff you've got to understand that it's hard on us too! It's hard to see you go and we just haven't come to grips with it yet! We don't hate you for wanting to leave. We don't. We respect you Jeff, we love you. We're just shocked and surprised because it came so suddenly. Jeff I sympathize for you, being just about murdered over a span of eight years, I'm sorry. But you loved what you did and there aren't a lot of people in the world that could wake up in the morning, in pain or not, and say 'dammit I love my job'. Jeff you were one of those lucky people. You were one of those that got to be able to say that," Amy vigorously wiped the tears and rain from her face. " Jeff...I know it's hard for you, I'm trying to understand you. I'm trying because I care. I hope you understand me."

Amy stopped, staring over at her broken friend sitting on the wet ground. Jeff suddenly looked very small, like a small child that'd just been frightened. He hung his head, gripping at the slippery blades of grass around his fingers. Amy walked forward, kneeling again to his level. She heard him sniffle, then he began to weep. Sobs emitted themselves from the back of his throat. Amy put her arms around Jeff's bare shoulders, holding onto him tightly. The lightning had ceased what seemed like ages ago, yet the thunder boomed again. Amy resisted her urge to jump from the loud sound when she felt Jeff's arms slowly rise to meet her embrace.

" I'm sorry," Jeff murmured. " I'm so sorry."

" Don't be, Jeff. Don't be."

A/N: I don't know what y'all think of this, but I hope you like it. Also, Jeff's line that's in Italics is a line from another A.F.I. song, which is "This Time Imperfect". This fic was kinda inspired by A.F.I.'s song "...But Nowhere Is Home." Here's the words..

[Twenty-six years and seems like I've just begun  
To understand my, my intimate is no one  
When the director sold the show, who bought its last rites?  
They cut the cast, the music, and the lights  
  
This is my line, this is eternal  
How did I ever end up here?  
Discarnate, preternatural  
My prayers to disappear  
Absent of grace, marked as infernal  
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned  
To this nature, so unnatural  
I remain alone  
  
Twenty-six years end, still speaking in these tongues  
Such revelations while understood by no one  
When the new actor stole the show, who questioned his grace?  
Please clear the house of ill-acquired taste  
  
This is my line, this is eternal  
How did I ever end up here?  
Discarnate, preternatural  
My prayers to disappear  
Absent of grace, marked as infernal  
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned  
To this nature, so unnatural  
I remain alone  
  
Give me something, give me something  
Give me something, give me something  
Give me something, give me something real  
  
I lay strewn across the floor, can't solve this puzzle  
Everyday another small piece can't be found  
I lay strewn across the floor, pieced up in sorrow  
The pieces are lost, these pieces don't fit  
Pieced together incomplete and empty  
  
This is my line, this is eternal  
How did I ever end up here?  
Discarnate, preternatural  
My prayers to disappear  
Absent of grace, marked as infernal  
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned  
To this nature, so unnatural  
I remain alone  
  
This is my line, this is eternal  
How did I end up here?  
Discarnate, preternatural  
My prayers to disappear  
Absent of grace, marked as infernal  
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned  
To this nature, so unnatural  
I remain alone.]


End file.
